A Question of Identity

Recently my school has been celebrating its 125 anniversary. As part of that celebration, we have been discussing our identity as a Catholic liberal arts school. Somehow (not really sure how this happened) I was chosen to speak about Catholic identity on a panel of student. I attended three other lectures about it throughout this last quad, did a lot of thinking, reading, and a lot of casual discussing with professors and other students about it. I started out with a bunch of conflicting ideas and questions. By the time I had to speak, I had a whole new set of questions bouncing around, but I managed to work a lot of what I had been thinking about into my presentations, which I have posted below. The actual panel discussion went pretty well, although we barely scratched the surface. I hope the conversation continues and goes as well next year.

            I transferred to Aquinas College from a larger community college in one of the most unreligious states in the nation. As soon as I walked on campus here, I was aware and so very grateful to be at a small, Catholic college. It was a relief to be in an environment where faith and reason were not assumed to be at odds. Most importantly, I would have a community here that supported me as a whole person.

            George Weigle talked about how the distinct role of the Catholic college is to study and uphold the meaning and value of the human person. If the school succeeds in that, every student who walks on this campus will feel that respect. There are many places and people on campus who make this work. One good example is a class with Dr. Chesley. He walks into the class and reminds us that we are "Persons of quality." Even if we think it's a joke at first, our level of respect for ourselves and our class mates has been raised.

            However, this challenge of upholding the human person isn't something that we can check off our list as long as people are nice to each other. We have to be in a constant state of evaluation as we engage the world around us. As Weigle pointed out, the dominant culture tends to measure a person's value in utilitarian terms. Even while we study the messier side of humanity; all the things that can go wrong in the human body, mind, heart, and society, we have to preserve a firm belief that each human person has a dignity so deep that nothing can dislodge or diminish it. As a Catholic school, we have to boldly ask, “Do our activities, speakers, policies, and studies celebrate, or degrade the human person?”

            Sister Reid spoke about this kind of evaluation being part of the Dominican charism of study. We must evaluate our world by study and prayer, which become almost inseparable. She described a Dominican balance of personal study and reflection, and bringing the fruits of that to the community to draw from the wisdom, history and teachings of the Church. The Catholic church has all of this experience and history recorded for our education. There are always new challenges, but it would be foolish to ignore this resource.

            There is a lot of talk about what should or should not happen at a Catholic school. These are often really hot button issues. We should have no shame about using Catholic teaching to evaluate these issues. This means listening, (not silencing) understanding, and then comparing the message in question to the one we stand for as a Catholic school. It is very valuable for us students to learn that process, even if we aren't Catholic. We are all going to be faced, in our lives, with choices about what we want to be involved in or support. We need to learn how to discern if something is consonant or dissonant with our most deeply held convictions. I'd call that critical thinking, which is, after all, one of those selling points for the liberal arts education.

            So, a Catholic school is not one where everyone is Catholic and there is no disagreement. A Catholic school is in constant discussion, study and prayer to find truth and love among all the disagreements. That is an environment in which the human person; mind, body, and soul, is respected.

Here are the other three talks I attended and make reference to. Professor Eberle, Sr. Barbara Reid, George Weigel!

St. Zita's Project

A few weeks ago, my room mate Bernadette asked me if I wanted to go on retreat with her. The Sisters of Mary Mother of the Eucharist have very successful discernment retreats a few times a year. Retreats "throw off my groove," which is probably the point. I don't like strangers, I don't like big groups of people, I don't like being away from home. But when Bernadette asked if I wanted to go, I said yes. I made myself do it, because I wanted to say no. It was a deny-yourself-take-up-your-cross-and-follow moment.

So I found myself on this retreat. I just prayed that I would be open and not over think things.
Some things helped; like the impressive spiritual maturity of the other young women. I say women, but most of them were girls; young teens who behaved like women. They were all their to pray. That was really a blessing because I didn't want to talk with any of them. I was there to pray.
Bernadette, however, was also a blessing because we could just be friends all weekend in that delightful open way that does not distract from our deepening friendship with Christ. Also, Martha, the younger sister of my friend Paul was there, and for some reason that was special. I tend to adopt my friend's families very readily.

One of the first things that happened was that the Sister at the door asked me if I wanted to "talk to Sister Joseph Andrews." Just the threat of having to talk kept me focused. I had a list in my journal of questions I wanted to ask her about religious life, vocation discernment, and her order specifically. I wanted to play along. I figured, if I felt a call to religious life, these are the questions I would have. I just prayed for the grace to understand what God wants from me. And I entertained the idea that this order might be it

I had a peaceful, prayerful, sleep deprived weekend, but I didn't walk away with an answer. I was waiting for God to say "I'm sending you a man" or "marry me!"

Not getting an answer of that kind was alright with me. It would be too easy and fast for God to just hand me the answer in one weekend. I hadn't earned it with years of fervent prayer. So I left with the resolution to pray more deeply, more fervently before the Blessed Sacrament. Maybe if I dig deep enough in a prayer life, awakening these parts of my heart that have lain dormant in apathy, God will bring to light a passionate, burning desire to be His spouse, or to be a biological mother.

Do you see how this works? I keep pretending, or trying to produce that feeling of being called.

This morning God told me that I'm not called. Not to marriage and not to religious life. Not now, maybe not ever.

When I got home, Liz handed me a paper that someone had given her on the single life as a vocation. I took it rather grudgingly. The first part was all about loneliness.
I've always assumed that the single life was a transition vocations. My vocation right now is to be single. But eventually, God will let me know what he really wants for me. I'll get my real call when I am ready for it.
The other thing about the single life is that it is such a secular American ideal. You are free to do many things that are impossible when you have a family.  You put together your life style just the way you want it, like a facebook page. This has always been attractive to me. But I recognize it as a temptation. It's just selfishness. There is no one to serve, no one to sacrifice for, no "till death" vow of self giving, no mother superior to obey. Whose feet will I wash?

So I didn't really want to read it. But I said yes to that by putting it in my back pack and pulling it out during lunch. One phrase caught my eye:

"For whose salvation will you walk alone."

I may not be any more lonely than the average woman, but I do have to recognize that living alone is a cross. Not having those burdensome people to sacrifice for is actually a challenge and a suffering.
I read a little here and there until nearly the last page. "The Jubilee Day for Single Persons" said the top of the page. I mentally rolled my eyes at it. Is this another form of Single Awareness Day, or Loneliness Awareness Day, or Chocolate Appreciation Day, or all those other things people who don't have dates call Valentines Day.
But in the bottom right corner there was a thick black line with the words


"St. Zita - April 27"    

St. Zita was single!

I knew that. She's not a religious. She's not married. She was a servant for a family basically her whole life. She never left the world, she never married and raised a family. She had a vocation to single life.

I can be a saint without a vocation to marriage or religious life!

I read that page. It pretty much described the kind of holy lifestyle I would like to live. I never felt a call because Christ wasn't calling me to be a nun or a wife. What I do have a desire for is to dedicate my life to art. To translate the beauty of God's truth into music and art and especially stories. To reach people the way my heroes  Brian Jacques, Lloyd Alexander, Rosemary Sutcliff, C. S. Lewis and Tolkien do. I have always been frustrated because the married life lived well doesn't allow that. And very few orders that I know of allow for that. But that is my desire and the way I long to serve God and others.
St. Zita was a blessing and a gift to everyone around her, and she didn't belong to any of them; not to an order, not to her family, not to the people she worked for, just to God.

There is real sacrifice, and real service, and real holiness in this vocation. It was a great relief to know that I didn't have to worry any more. I don't have to look for men, and I don't have to research religious communities. If God does want this to be a transition, he will drop something in my lap and give me the grace to say yes. But I have already said yes and am living a vocation that has everything I have ever wanted or needed to bring me to heaven.

"As For Me and My House..."

If, by some hellish chance, someone proved that all religions are "equally true," I would still be Catholic. God wrote His law on my heart and Catholicism is the only religion that teaches all the laws written there.

"Why is this night different from any other night?"

Well, first of all, we have a special dinner. We used to have a pretty traditional passover meal, but those take so long and there is always a lot of other things to do, so we have an abbreviated version. There is that funny crackerish unleven bread, wine, some bitter herbs. Mom makes this apple and walnut salad with the wine. But we do indeed eat in and run, just like the Israelites. We don't want to be late for Holy Thursday mass.

In many ways, it's just like any other Catholic Mass. Two Old Testament readings and a psalm, one Gospel reading and a sermon. But it's different. The Gospel reading is the Last Supper. That night in the upper room, Jesus not only gave us the center of our spiritual life but also a directive for the corporal mission of the Church: He washed His disciples' feet. At mass in most parishes, after the homily, the priest, like Jesus, takes off his outer vestments, wraps a towel around his waist and goes out into the congregation to wash feet. Sometimes several other people join him. The catechumens who will receive the Sacraments of initiation often wash feet. This is just as awkward as it was for Peter centuries ago. But that's sort of the point. It's very humbling. And in this way, we are sent out to serve one another. The greatest in the kingdom of heaven will be the servant of all.

The mass continues as usual with the Eucharist, the other, and probably more important event that happened that night. We celebrate the Last Supper at every mass. It's THE center to Catholic life.
The Eucharist is the most perfect form of worship. The word itself means thanksgiving. We also call it communion. We are closest to Christ when we have received him in the Eucharist. He is literally inside us; body soul and divinity. I used to tell my girls club that Christ wanted to be physically and spiritually close to us; as close to us as was physically possible; close to us in the way He was close to Mary, the perfect disciple. He was inside Mary's body for nine months. What an incredible miracle to have God living inside your body. Christ wanted that same closeness with each of us. That is the miracle of the Eucharist. Jesus come to be inside us physically for a few minutes. We are all tabernacles for those moments.
Holy Thursday is the day to celebrate this sacrifice and miracle in a special way.

Twice as many hosts are consecrated, since none will be consecrated tomorrow (and Catholics simply can't function without the Eucharist). We know that with every passing minutes, Jesus draws closer to Calvary. While we are still on our knees giving thanks, the priest puts away the extra hosts and carries them in procession to a specially prepared side alter. This little alter is decked in greenery. It is the garden where Jesus prays. Back at the high alter, the alter clothes are being reverently folded up and put away. Everything is stripped bare. The side alter in green and the tiny candle burning beside it are the only relief. We stay and pray with Him, trying not to fall asleep. The church will stay open late into the night. One by one we stand and reluctantly leave. Tomorrow will be a long and hungry day.

Bits and pieces.

Last quarter I spent a weekend or two working on this mosaic for my art class. I had a really good time and got a migraine head ache from bending over it. It's a copy from an icon we have in my house.

The early Christians borrowed the mosaic technique from the Greeks and Romans who used them on their floors. The Christians put them up on the walls of their churches. The gold back ground was traditional because it put the figures in an eternal, non earthly setting which was appropriate for the subjects they depicted; Christ and the Saints mostly, also royalty and church patrons. I was sitting in class lamenting the fact that I couldn't go to Italy and see all the beautiful churches with these amazing old mosaics. My teacher didn't tell us that there are newer churches with mosaics like that in our own country.
I was at the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception (the Immaculate Conception does in deed refer to Mary, in case there should be any confusion) in Washington DC this weekend. There are so many beautiful mosaics in there it is literally breath taking.

I will tell you more about my trip and why I was there later. I'm all excited cause I think I figured out how to work the photo upload and I want to show you the pictures before it hates me again.
Some of my pictures are not so good so you should look at the virtual tour on the web sight but here are mine anyway.

This is Our Lady of Nations. There are so many beautiful little chapels opening in ever corner of this basilica. There are actually two main sanctuaries and dozens of little alters and memorials and smaller chapels.
You just can't beat the Catholic Church for beautiful art. I love all the different images of Our Lady. There is one for every country, race, need and cause. Here are some of my favorites.

This is Our Lady Queen of Missions.


Our Lady of China


I don't know what this images is. It's the Easter Rite Chapel.


Our Lady of Hope


I don't know what this one is called but I like it.


These are just some of them. I only took pictures when the chapels were empty and I wouldn't be bothering anyone with my obnoxious tourist flash.

Then you walk into the main church upstairs. WOW! I've seen the image of Christ in Majesty dozens of times and I've never really liked it all that much. Never under estimate the power of Being there! Mary says "My soul magnifies the Lord". You've been looking at all these images of Mary in nooks and side alters and then you walk into the main church and this meets you:



^This one I took from right under it. Not the best shot. When you walk in it's like He's RIGHT THERE. Then you walk towards it.... and walk.... and walk.... and you get to the high alter... and then you walk some more.... and finally you are right under Him. Makes my little mosaic look kind of pathetic.
Here is a better picture I've stolen from an other web sight:


It's amazing. This is the reason. He is the One Mary leads us to. It's really all about him.

Right below the mosaic there are some statues of Saints. The people who built the basilica were smart cause they put the names of the Saints under them so that people who have no skill or knowledge of symbol recognition with Saints can figure out who's who. There are Saints ALL over the place. Right under Christ in Majesty was this Statue:

It's St. Zita!! right there under the big dome! Needless to say, at this point I was jumping up and down and squealing with excitement... right there under the big dome.

There was a side chaple for St. Louise too. Here is her statue and a mosaic of her.



St. Zita is such an obscure Saint that it was pretty amazing for her to be up there. We looked for a St. Zita medal in the gift shop but there was no sign of her.
There were lots of other Saints around. It was really a lot of fun to be there. I wish I had had a few days to spend looking around cause there were all sorts of things that I'm sure we missed. It's like a treasure hunt. There are things written on the walls and arches and stained glass and symbols that tell you so much if you know what they mean. It's almost a visual overload but at the same time it's still a house of prayer. All the gold and light and color is to lift our minds to God and the glory of his creation. Every Saint is an image of Christ and an expression of His glory. They are our family and little imperfect models for us to follow.
And Mary is the most perfect creature of all. Of all the Saints, she reflects and magnifies the glory of God most clearly and brightly.

St. Zita's Project

Remember how I chose St. Zita as my confirmation Saint cause she has all the virtues and qualities that I lack but wish I had? She was a servant and a cook, which are both things I am Not At All by nature. I've always told her that if she wanted me to be a servant at all when I grew up, she would have to make me her project. She and God have teamed up to make me a servant. It's a long process and it's not nearly done. Most of the time I don't notice, it has to do with taking Maleny out to find some pirate boots or doing CC's kitchen job one night while she's away. Most of the time I'm stubborn and don't take the hints. It just occurred to me as I was walking home from Jessie's house tonight that St. Zita was working on teaching me the other half of her earthly profession. I have my English class, and art and music theory but St. Zita signed me up for a cooking class on the sly. For the last few weeks Jessie has needed me less cause she has had other care takers there throughout the day. She's been getting creative thinking of things for me to do. I walk in and she has found some recipe in her book that she has always wanted to make and wouldn't it be fun to try it? We've started simple with custard and chicken soup, banana bread. Someday, she promises me, we will try something really adventurous. I had enough trouble with the banana bread. It's not so bad, I guess.

To keep myself from falling asleep.

I am trying to drill intervals and triads and seventh chords by ear on This Cool Theory Page but the intervals were putting me to sleep even when I was only drilling minor intervals which are not exactly the stuff of lullabies. So I must type about something else to keep myself awake. I refuse to nap!!! I will not be a sleep deprived college student! I had plenty of sleep last night.

So, today is All Hallow's eve. The day before All Saints Day. A rather controversial day in some Christian circles. As always there are a lot of pagan traditions which the Christians converted and then the secularists turned pagan again. I hate it when that happens. Did you know that the tradition of Trick-or-treating comes, in part (it's complicated), from an All Souls Day tradition. Each household would bake little cakes and attach the name of a family member or friend who had died that year to them. They called them soul cakes. The poor would go door to door collecting these cakes and in return they would say a prayer for the soul to which the cake was dedicated. That's one of those odd Catholic practices. Personally, I think it's a great idea, but it is a little odd. The dressing up is in mockery of Satan cause even if it is the night before all saints day, he still can't get us cause like the Saints, we belong to God.
That's what it was about before the secularists got to it: a crazy mix of traditions, fun, and piety, as all true Holy Days should be.

Our Lady of Sorrows.

September means a lot of things to people: the end of summer, back to school, so many things starting and ending. The month is dedicated to Mary in the Catholic Church. It sure seems like a lot of months are dedicated to Our Lady but I can't think of anyone better to dedicate September to. Specifically, September is dedicated to Our Lady of Sorrows. Mary has a lot of titles too. But when you think about it, everyone has a lot of titles, no one is just one thing to everyone.
The Church gives us these feast days for Our Lady to call attention to some aspect of her that may be helpful to us in our journey to heaven. There are seven moments of sorrow in Mary's life that we are asked to reflect on:

1. The Prophecy of Simeon.
2. The Flight into Egypt.
3. The Loss of the Child Jesus for Three Days.
4. Meeting Jesus on the Way to Calvary.
5. The Crucifixion and Death of Jesus.
6. Jesus Taken Down from the Cross.
7. Jesus Laid in the Tomb.

There you pretty much have the spectrum of suffering for a womanly heart: Impending doom through the death and burial of a child.
I could rant about how amazing Mary is for a very long time. Our Lady of Sorrows is possibly my favorite Marian feast. When I read the scripture accounts of the seven sorrows and put myself in Mary's place, reflecting on her feelings and thoughts as a mother, as a woman, and I know she had perfect trust in God, (as she demonstrated when she agreed to bare His Son) my respect and admiration for her grows so much. And, just as she said in the Magnificat, I always find myself thanking God and seeing Him magnified in her.

I put two different settings of the Stabat Mater on the music player. The Stabat Mater is a beautiful prayer in Latin that is traditionally associated with the feast of Our Lady of Sorrows. It depicts Mary standing at the foot of the cross. Lots of composers have written music for this prayer. The English translation is also very nice though when you sing it, it must be in Latin. My favorite version is a very modern choral piece that I heard the Gonzaga choir sing two years ago. I can't remember the composers name. But anyway, these two are kind of interesting cause they contrast so much. I've heard the first one somewhere before but the more modern one is totally new to me and I'm not sure what I think of it. There's no rule that says you can't have a synthesizer in a setting of Stabat Mater but somehow is seems wrong to me. Not to mention the drums.
Here is the English translation:

At the Cross her station keeping,
stood the mournful Mother weeping,
close to Jesus to the last.


Through her heart, His sorrow sharing,
all His bitter anguish bearing,
now at length the sword has passed.


O how sad and sore distressed
was that Mother, highly blest,
of the sole-begotten One.


Christ above in torment hangs,
she beneath beholds the pangs
of her dying glorious Son.


Is there one who would not weep,
whelmed in miseries so deep,
Christ's dear Mother to behold?


By the Cross with thee to stay,
there with thee to weep and pray,
is all I ask of thee to give.


She beheld her tender Child,
Saw Him hang in desolation,
Till His spirit forth He sent.


For the sins of His own nation,
She saw Jesus wracked with torment,
All with scourges rent:


Can the human heart refrain
from partaking in her pain,
in that Mother's pain untold?


O thou Mother! fount of love!
Touch my spirit from above,
make my heart with thine accord:


Make me feel as thou hast felt;
make my soul to glow and melt
with the love of Christ my Lord.


Holy Mother! pierce me through,
in my heart each wound renew
of my Savior crucified:


Let me share with thee His pain,
who for all my sins was slain,
who for me in torments died.


Let me mingle tears with thee,
mourning Him who mourned for me,
all the days that I may live:


Let me, to my latest breath,
in my body bear the death
of that dying Son of thine.


Virgin of all virgins blest!,
Listen to my fond request:
let me share thy grief divine;


Wounded with His every wound,
steep my soul till it hath swooned,
in His very Blood away;


Be to me, O Virgin, nigh,
lest in flames I burn and die,
in His awful Judgment Day.


Christ, when Thou shalt call me hence,
by Thy Mother my defense,
by Thy Cross my victory;


When my body dies,
let my soul be granted
the glory of Paradise. Amen.

Time for a Saint story!

There are all these great Saint days in August! There's a Saint for every day of the year but some of my favorites are in August. August tenth is the feast of one of my all time favorite Saints: St. Lawrence! It's also my brother's birthday. I can't believe how fast this year has flown. It seems like yesterday we were all at Aunt Perky's house waiting for news of our new sibling. David didn't get named after his day Saint but I'm sure St. Lawrence will be saying some extra prayers for him anyway. You can't get away from you patron Saints you know. They're looking out for you whether you like it or not.
I love to tell the story of St. Lawrence. So most of you who read this blog have probably heard me tell it at least in part. I retold it based on the account in our Saint book a few years ago for an e-mail so here it is.

St. Lawrence is the patron of comedians and cooks and this is why.

Once upon a time in Rome (in 258 A.D.) there lived a cheerful and devoted deacon named Lawrence. Also in that time the Emperor Valerian published an edict against Christians and sent soldiers to apprehend the Pope (St. Sixtus II) and put him to death. As they dragged St. Sixtus to his death his faithful deacon, Lawrence, followed after him saying, “Farther, where are you going with out your deacon?” The Pope answered, “I do not leave you, my son. You shall follow me in three days.”
Lawrence saw this time as an opportunity to disperse the material wealth of the church before the Roman authorities could lay their hands on it. On 10 August Lawrence was commanded to appear for his execution, and to bring along the treasure with which he had been entrusted by the pope. When he arrived, the archdeacon was accompanied by a multitude of Rome's crippled, blind, sick, and generally very dirty, stinky and poor people. Lawrence stood and and smiled. The prefect was at first bewildered and then thinking that some joke had been played on him by the good natured deacon he turned to Lawrence and demanded to see the treasures of the church as he had been promised. Lawrence speared his hands out to the assembled people. “what are you displeased at?” he said, “These are the treasures of the Church!” The prefect, who had no sense of humor, was furious! He prepared a great gridiron with hot coals beneath it. They bound Lawrence to this hot iron bed and he lay slowly roasting. After a long time of this torment Lawrence looked up at his the men in charge of the execution and smiled. “Turn me over,” He said to them, “I think I’m done on this side.”
Lawrence met his beloved Lord Jesus but a few moments later and lives happily with him and Pope St. Sixtus for all eternity.
Here on earth Lawrence is honored every year on the 10th of August. On that day, catholics all over the world celebrate Lawrence's life by having a barbecue with their families.

The Mighty Works of God!

The Easter Season is over. Yesterday we got to celebrate Pentecost. *grin* This is sometimes called the birthday of the Church. The first two readings told us about the tongues of fire that settled on the apostles "They were filled with the Holy Spirit, and they spoke of the mighty works of God." and the power that the Holy Spirit gives us to declare that Jesus is Lord. The Gospel told how Jesus sent the apostles out into the world to carry on His work.

Oh, SO much to think about. The Holy Spirit comes to guide the Church into all truth and Jesus establishes the the sacraments of priesthood and reconciliation! WOW!

We have one mediator and that is Christ. And we are Christ's body. The Priest offers the Mass In Persona Christi. It doesn't mean that he does Jesus' job for Him but that Fr. is doing the job Jesus gave him; Through Him With Him and In Him. We do so many things in the name of Jesus and we can because we are parts of His Body.

"As the Father has sent me, so I send you." Christ came to heal the human race of that nasty sickness called sin that we inherited from our parents. So the priest is given power from Christ to forgive sins; to heal us spiritually. It's Christ's power using the priest as a tool. In the same way it's the power of Christ's words that turn the Bread and Wine into His Body and Blood. Someone has to say them. The Priest has been given this job from Jesus, passed down through the apostles in an unbroken line. It's SO COOL!

For two -thousand years and more Christ has kept His promise to the Church. Through all sorts of hardship and crisis the Holy Spirit has lead the Church and kept her from error. Even when there was (is) corruption He kept the pope from teaching any heresy. There are more people every year who, by the power of that Spirit, proclaim with confidence "Jesus is Lord" and join the Body of Christ which is the Church. There are more mighty deeds of God to proclaim every year we read that passage.

It was a power packing liturgy. I love being Catholic!
Readings were Acts 2: 1-11, Corinthians 12: 3-13 and John 20: 19-23.

Chocolate anyone?

Today is the feast of St. Zita. If I wasn't so busy throwing the retreat together today I would say that Ginger Ale floats were in order. But I'm too busy. So I'm sending everyone a virtual box of chocolates. Rumor has is that St. Zita is the patroness of Chocolate which has always rather annoyed me since I don't like chocolate... at all. But then, I picked St. Zita for my confirmation Saint because we are so different, not because we are similar so I guess that fits too.Happy Feast of St. Zita everyone!

"He is not here. He is risen!"

... there comes in the end a sort of quietness. You feel as if nothing is ever going to happen again.

C. S. Lewis ~ The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe

The church is dark. It has been dark since Holy Thursday's mass ended. Now it's Saturday night and a deep quiet has settled over everyone. Outside the cold early spring air drives people inside the still darkness of the church. We are sitting or kneeling in the pews. Jesus is in his tomb and we are waiting and praying in sorrowful silence. Our fellow Christians are dark forms around us, huddled close together for warmth and comfort. Jesus was put to death two thousand years ago but the sorrow comes to us across the ages like an echo. But it's not the same kind of sorrow that we felt last night. Friday was a day of tears of repentance. This in a kind of numbness but with small flickering anticipation. We know He will rise but, even with all the Easter preparations we have been making all day, the moment we enter the church there is nothing but that empty tabernacle where Jesus used to be and now he's not. That familiar candle, like a faithful souls perpetually adoring our Lord, is out, only a dead black wick. Everything we are doing after mass or tomorrow is gone. Nothing is ever going to happen again.

In the back of the church there are people stirring. The wind comes in through the open doors. People shudder and draw closer together. The priest's voice is heard from just outside the church were they have lit a small fire. He tells us of the night we are commemorating; We are keeping vigil by the tomb where, this night, Christ passes from death to life. The fire flickers in his eyes as he lifts his hands in blessing over the Easter Fire. A new candle is blessed. It replaces the one that was put out on Good Friday. It will shine as a symbol of hope for the next year. It is lit with the Easter Fire and then the priest enters the church. He holds the Easter Candle high above his head. I cannot see the figure in the doorway but I can see the flame of hope flickering in the big empty darkness of the church. Lumen Christi! "Christ our light!" The priest sings in solemn joy. Deo gratias! "Thanks be to God!" we respond with one voice. The light is lowered out of sight once more and moves down the aisle. It stops again after a few paces and an alter boy lights a small candle from Easter flame. As the Priest sings again, "Christ our light!" the alter boy brings his flame to the person at the end of the last pew and touches his wick to theirs. So the flame is passed. "Go and make disciples of all nations" As the Easter Candle moves down the center aisle the light spreads behind it. All our little lights together make the church glow and shadows dance. Each hand and face is lit and each eye shines.
The Easter Candle has reached the alter now. The priest is singing again. He tells us the story of a night like this one two thousand years ago when Christ passed from death to life. "This is the night!" He repeats again and again. His voice rises and falls above us.

Then we recount our history. In the darkness we hear the story of creation and the fall of Man. All the greatest stories in the history of our salvation are told. Psalms are sung between readings. This is our story. We hear how God's love turned the fall of Adam into the greatest wonder and glory of all. Oh happy fault that gained for us such a redeemer.

Then the moment for which we have waited since Ash Wednesday. The bells begin to toll and the lights suddenly blaze. We lift our voices up and sing the first Alleluia in forty days. We stand and hear the last and greatest story. The women find the tomb empty. "He is not here. He is risen." Alleluia.

Now the Church welcomes new members. There are Baptisms and Confirmations. We see the joy on the new Catholic's faces as they finally come home. "Be sealed with the Holy Spirit." Alleluia!

We sing Alleluia over and over many times before the celebration is over. At every full stop in fact. We've been without it for all of Lent. We sing it as we kneel and give thanks. We sing it when we stand at the end of Mass with Christ in our hearts.

When Mass is over the children will be eating their long hoarded candy. Or trying to while their parent try to put them in bed and make them wait till the morning.

"Now come the days of the King, may they be blessed."

J. R. R. Tolkien ~ The Return of the King

Fifty days of unrestrained rejoicing! Catholics are party animals at heart. We may seem very solemn during Lent but one must remember that Lent is only forty days. We know that we will be celebrating a whole ten days longer!

"...and then the streams would run with wine instead of water and the whole forest would give itself up to jollification for weeks on end."

C. S. Lewis ~ The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe

Music Ministry Forever!!

*sings tauntingly* I get to sing the Triduum! I get to sing the Triduum!
There is SO much music to learn. It's really exciting. There are three Masses to sing this weekend and three on Easter Sunday. I have a Palastrina Mass to relearn! I'm going to hook up our keyboard in my bedroom and practice now. Why does insane amounts of practicing make Karen so happy? I love music!

Pot Holes

Lent is the time when I try once again to form the habits I was supposed to get down years ago. Such as daily prayer and flossing my teeth.

Yesterday at Mass, Fr. (who's name I cannot spell) gave a great homily about what Lent is for. Of course, he did it much better than I am about to but here is the basic idea.

When Jesus is about to start His public ministry He separates Himself from everyone and He changes His routine. He goes into the dessert and fasts for forty days. He does this because when ever you change something about you're routine, issues that were hidden come to the surface. He is tempted. He has to overcome these temptations to prepare Himself for His mission. The analogy Fr. used was pot holes. He said our town must be the pot hole capital of the nation. I'd have to agree with him. On our daily commutes we know where all the pot holes are. We know where to slow down and when to hold our coffee up so it won't spill and how to go around the things. We get them filled in but come next spring when the snow melts those pot hole will be back. New one and some in the old places. For Jesus, forty day's in the dessert meant not going around the pot holes anymore but filling them in. During Lent we break up our routine by giving something up or doing something differently for forty days. Little problems that we have learned how to go around face us and we have to learn how to overcome them. They may be the same problems we had last year but we still need to fill them in. Sports people do this every year. Before the season begins they go back to the basics. They learn how to run again. They start with the most basic, vital skills to their sport. Fr. teaches jazz piano at Gonzaga and he talked about teaching jazz to a classical pianist. The student was already a great pianist but Fr. had to challenge him to go back the first grade and overcome the weaknesses he had learned to 'drive around' in his years of playing classical. It takes doing something different to see the pot holes that we have learned to drive around. It just takes some time and energy to fill them in.

I'm hungry

Remember man, you are dust and to dust you shall return.
Turn away from sin and live the gospel!

Happy Ash Wednesday!

Merry Christmas!!

God thinks more of us than we think of ourselves.
We can see our past and how dark it is. We can see the way we are now, and it's pretty bleak. And from where we are the future looks a bit dreary too. But God has hope for us. He has so much hope for us that He became one of us so that we could have hope too.
God must think an awful lot of us!
Heaven met earth in a manger. Kneel in awe in the stable. God, made weak and little, sleeps in the hay. From here to the cross is just a tiny fraction of the love of God for His creation. Now we have hope of heaven.

May your Christmas be blessed with much love and hope for the coming year.

Merry Christmas!

I'm too catholic to understand this

I've always sort of wondered about those Christians who opt not to celebrate Christmas. I've never had their position explained to me.Thanks Leah. It still doesn't make much sense to me. I guess that's because I don't believe in that whole Sola Scriptura thing. (I believe it to be un-biblical :P)

I think God knows we need to celebrate some times. We are told to rejoice hundreds of times throughout the Bible for various reasons. I think the Incarnation is a pretty good reason to celebrate even if there is nothing particularly special about Dec. 25th. Maybe Jesus was not born on the 25th but it doesn't really matter. He was born. God became man and we chose to remember and honor that moment on December 25th (and also on March 25th on the feast of the Annunciation). In fact, aside from the Death and Resurrection, I can't think of a better reason to be merry.

Then there is all that talk about how so many of the traditions and the very day the feast is celebrated are fundamentally pagan and should be shunned. I don't hold to that at all. The pagans who converted in the early church were no less Christians than the ones who were raised in the faith. Those who bowed before the sun god now bow before the child in the manger. The fitting traditions that honored the pagan god now honor the True God. Sol himself bows. In Mexico there are churches that are covered with carvings and paintings of the Saints and the Apostles all worshiping Christ. Right in there among them you can see the old Aztec gods worshiping Our Lord right with St. Peter and the Archangel Gabriel. Of course the Aztec gods are myth and Christ is real and living but the symbol remains. All these symbols that were precious to the pagans are baptized and welcomed into the Church, redeemed, made new and given new and truer meanings. You see the pagan traditions like the Christmas tree and the holly because they are part of Christ's triumph. Christ has conquered these pagan traditions and made them His. The same holds true for St. Valentine's day and St. Patrick's Day. These are not days than commemorate events in Christ's earthly life but they are still worth celebrating. St. Valentine gave us one more example of true love by dieing for Christ, Patrick brought the light of Christ the darkness of pagan Ireland. They are Christian feasts no matter how the world tries to secularize them. It is fitting that we should have a Christian feast of sacrificial love in place of there pagan feast of love. The pagan feasts in late December celebrated the end of the darkest days of the year. The sun triumphs and the days grow longer. It is fitting that on this day we should celebrate the Light coming into the world, His triumph and the dark days of the world coming to an end.

And therefore, uncle, though it has never put a scrap of gold or silver in my pocket, I believe [Christmas] has done me good and will do me good; and I say, God bless it!

A Christmas Carol ~ Charles Dickens.

Marry Christmas

Oh the wonderful forgetfulness of my dear Jesus!

This story is told about one of the great Saints but I can't find the book I read it in and I don't remember which Saints it was (St. Margaret Mary something or other, I think) so we will call her Mary. She was a nun so we will call her sister Mary.

Sister Mary had a beautiful and deep prayer life. Sometimes Jesus would visit her in visions. One day He appeared to her and told her "I'm sending you a priest to be your spiritual guide and confessor. He's a very good friend of mine." Sister Mary was delighted and the next day, when a new priest came to the convent she greeted him happily and told him about her vision. The priest was skeptical at first. He wanted to be sure that sister Mary's visions were authentic. So he told her to bring him a sign. "Ask Our Lord what my last mortal sin was." So sister Mary went into her cell and prayed and Jesus appeared to her and she asked Him as the priest had told her to.

Jesus smiled. "I don't remember." He said

By this the priest knew that sister Mary's visions were authentic.

~*~
I think it's a pretty sweet story even if I can't give you a source.

Happy Feast day!

It's the feast of Our Lady of Guadeloupe!

"Let not your heart be disturbed. Do not fear that sickness, nor any other sickness or anguish. Am I not here, who is your Mother? Are you not under my protection? Am I not your health? Are you not happily within my fold? What else do you wish? Do not grieve nor be disturbed by anything." (Words said by of Our Lady of Guadalupe to Juan Diego)

Every one needs a mother.
Happy Feast day!

Evil and the Father of the Prodigal Son

So, Fr. Spitzer, (S.J.) the president of Gonzaga university and a great philosopher, gave a mini lecture at a dinner I got to go to. The subject was the problem of evil. Can an all loving, all powerful, and all knowing God coexist with evil? It was totally awesome so I'm going to try and type up what I got from it. The way he said it was, of course, much more entertaining and articulate. He's writing a book about it. It comes out in about six months. I want to read it. You should all look him up and read one of the books he wrote. Brilliance. In any case this is something like his points from the other night:

1. The first thing to remember in times of suffering is who God is. Jesus came to reveal the Father to us. The parable of the prodigal son reveals God to us. God is the father of the prodigal son. Any image we get of God, that cannot be reconciled to the Father of the Prodigal Son is wrong. He is not the vengeful god who waits for a chance to get us back for all the nasty things we do. He is not the steel god who is sick and tired of our whining; "Stop being such wimps! What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." He is not the god who could care less. All these false images of God come from the devil. If you start thinking God is doing something that the father of the prodigal son wouldn't do, then you have something wrong.

2. The father of the Prodigal son didn't cause any of the bad things that happened to his son. God did not create evil. He is not the steel god who created evil to make us stronger. He created love and freedom. Love is a choice. So if God had made humans to love Him but not given us free will to love Him then He would have created nice little robots who display loving behaviors. God can't make true love without freedom and you can't freely choose to love without also being capable of choosing Not to love. But, God, if He is all powerful, can create us any way he wants, so why did he create us with the ability to choose not to love? Fr.'s answer to this was that God is incapable of making a square circle and it's not God's problem it's a problem with the square and the circle. They exist in a finite world. They are mutually exclusive of each-other. God cannot create a contradiction. A creature who can choose to love but cannot choose not to love is a contradiction. The Father of the Prodigal Son does not withhold the inheritance from the Son. Neither does he limit how and on what the son uses that inheritance.

3. God works through suffering and evil in the world. He did not create them but he works through them. (Just like in Tolkien's Silmarilion,) God robs evil of it's victory by turning it to His greater glory. We can trust the Father of the Prodigal Son to make good come of rather bleak situations. One example of this that Fr. Spitzer gave was the loss of his own eye sight. Spitzer has macular degeneration and is almost completely blind. He says the worst part of this is that he has to ask for rides. He told us about when he first found out and he made God a list of things he could do if God gave him back his sight. But you never hand God a plan cause he doesn't follow them. And you never hand God a time table cause his time table is always bigger and longer than yours. Since he has been almost blind, Spitzer has gotten twice as much work done as he did all the years before. "I was lolly-gagging!" He pointed out jubilantly "Since I've been here, I've written five books!" There were questions after and he told us that he would not be offended if we left early. He wouldn't see us anyway. It was not as if God liked to see Spitzer struggling with his sight. He has compassion: He suffers with us. But He worked through it for the greater good of Spitzer and (I think) the world.

So, that is what I got out of the talk. There was a lot more. Fr. Spitzer is a very entertaining and articulate speaker. I wish I could reproduce all the stories he told and the points he made. It was awesome. You can just feel love and deep faith radiating from this man. I can't wait till his book comes out.